A personal story of ego, heartbreak, and self-awareness that led to a daily meditation practice — and why this book is the practical guide to get you started.
“Meditation isn’t about becoming a different person, a new person, or even a better person. It’s about training in awareness and understanding how and why you think and feel the way you do, and getting a healthy sense of perspective in the process.”
The Lack of Commitment
I will tell you a story of why I decided to COMMIT to meditation. Before November 2015, I would simply dabble in meditation. Sometimes doing 6–7 days in a row of meditation, then not having the desire to continue, and then resuming a few weeks or months later. Meditation has always been on that “should do because it’s good for you” list, just like going to the gym, eating healthy, and saving money. Yet, there just wasn’t a DESIRE to commit to doing it every day.
The Cute Manager Girl
November 2015, I am in Taiwan on a business/adventure trip with a good friend of mine. The trip was a giveaway from one of the companies we advertised for.
On the trip was myself, my buddy, and a few other advertisers (mostly in their 40s) and the manager… a cute 27-year-old girl. Coincidentally, this manager was also the direct manager of my friend.
Anyways, the trip consisted of an adventure around Taipei City, Taiwan. I had asked my friend if it would be strange if I started flirting with his manager. He responded with indifference, so I told him I was interested in his manager… the cute 27-year-old. I asked if he would pursue her, and he replied with no.
So, throughout the day I’m flirting with the cute manager, and she is laughing at all of the nonsense I’m saying. I can feel a small competitive tension between myself and my friend, but he said he would not pursue.
The Expensive Upscale Party
Nighttime comes, and my friend, the cute manager, and I all decide to go to a nightclub. The other older advertisers head to bed because they are not interested in seeing young kids party.
Upon getting to the doors of the nightclub, the only way to get in was to buy a bottle of alcohol… $125 USD… so the cute manager pulls out the company credit card, and pays… no problem.
The club itself involves going into a large service elevator and reaching perhaps the 20th floor. There you are greeted with the usual security and servers. The club itself is very large and filled with dark blues and purples and shiny things, and a skyline view of Taipei city.
We get inside, and it’s time to drink and dance! We all start drinking and dancing around. The music is loud electro music that you typically fist pump and jump around to.
One drink, two drinks, etc. I start dancing with the cute manager more and more, and she is actively reciprocating.
The Backstab
After about 1 hour or so of dancing around wildly, I decide to pull the cute manager to the bar for another drink, and ultimately go for the kiss. So I take her hand and lead her to the bar.
As I do this, my friend starts to follow us… as if he has nothing better to do. We get to the bar, and I have the cute manager in front of me. Standing right behind me is my friend.
At this point, I feel a bit awkward going in for the kiss with him right behind me, plus I need to pee, so I decide to go use the toilet and ask my buddy where the toilet is.
I leave for about 3–4 minutes, and come back… to see my friend… completely embracing HIS manager, face to face, tongue to tongue… making out drunkenly.
The Ego
Suddenly, in my drunken frustration, a little egotistical child starts talking… “What the fuck?! I can’t believe my friend did this to me… that girl should have been mine!”
At this point, my “state” or energy drops, and the entire club looks stale, life-sucking, and bland, while slow and sobering.
The little egotistical voice continues to speak… “She should have been mine, I did the work, I can’t believe this is happening.”
At that point, I walk over to my friend and the manager who have their faces locked together, and whisper into my friend’s ear… “I fucking hate you right now,” and leave the club shortly after.
I head back to our hotel and pass out on my bed in a drunk frustration of disbelief.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
The next day, I go to the lobby and see my friend innocently eating french fries. He asks me how my night was… I passive-aggressively nod, avoid eye contact, say “it was good,” and walk to the group meeting taking place. At the group meeting, the cute manager asks me some questions, and I respond with disdain and disinterest.
The day continues and I continue my passive-aggressive avoidance of communication with my friend and the manager, while jovially engaging with everyone else.
The group ends up in a Taiwanese sauna, and coincidentally, I end up sharing a room with my friend… at this point my childish egotistical passive-aggression cracks, and I tell my friend how I felt.
I explain it to him and myself — how I reacted completely through the boyish ego, in a completely childish way. I actively did not realize how self-centered and outcome-oriented I had been that night. The part of my subconscious that shows its face in small bursts had come out in full that night.
Conscious Awakening
Upon confessing to him and myself, I had released an inner fire of anger… as if getting one step closer to conscious awareness. Disconnecting from the emotion of anger, frustration, and hate, and just observing it instead.
At that point, I realized… I need to meditate… because meditation allows you to disconnect from the emotion and become an observer instead. This allows you to make better decisions, to never overreact to silly situations, and to become more centered with your emotions.
It is usually a painful situation in life that inspires us, or forces us into making drastic decisions. Like a mother who stops smoking because she thinks she has a cancerous tumor. Or a father who moves his family to another country to avoid a political or military conflict. Or a man in his late 20s who wishes to overcome the deeply ingrained, childish mindset that can flare up over the most ridiculous circumstances (referencing myself).
It was a decision of becoming aware, of control, acceptance, and letting go.
Commitment to Meditation
Ever since then, I’ve committed to meditation. I’ve read more books than ever on meditation — like “10% Happier,” “Headspace,” “The Calm Center,” and “Wherever You Go, There You Are” — among other articles on the internet.
Using the Headspace App on a daily basis, I have built a lightness within my personality. A more transient attachment to emotions — understanding that they simply come and go. I feel more present with people around… not distracted by the pointless bits of life, especially during conversation. My eye contact has definitely improved, thus being more engaged with the people I communicate with.
Just 15–20 minutes a day, I feel better, and release any frustrations or pointless emotions of the day. It’s liberating.
Passing Frustrations
Once in a while, I have a day where something just “annoys me” and charges up those fiery emotions. I notice it, and even then, I ask why they are there. I objectively analyze it and deconstruct it, but the emotion remains. So I understand the reason, but the feeling itself remains.
But then, having a moment of complete quiet and no distractions, I plug myself into the Headspace meditation app and start it for about 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, as if some kind of emotional painkiller, the fire is extinguished, and I am able to focus on everything else.
These insignificant frustrations have happened 2–3 times in the last 2 months, and after meditation, I really feel more relaxed. It’s really amazing.
Pain or Group Think
Like I said, usually we will make big changes when the pain is great enough. That’s how the human brain operates. But another ability of the brain is to mimic those around you, so that you “normalize” with those around you. If you surround yourself with people that meditate — whether it’s YouTube videos, friends, people you meet, and even meditation centers — you will more actively engage in it.
Ultimately, you need to find your personal reason for meditation. It is exercise for your brain, and only takes 10–20 minutes per day. We ALL have that much time.
And the Headspace Book?
This is the practical, no-religious-nonsense, useful-for-everyday-life version of meditation that we all need in life.
Read it, and let it sink into your conscious awareness. You will use it to convince yourself, and even educate yourself further on why you need to exercise your brain.
5/5 — Read it now.
Thanks for reading.
— Leonidas
